Read our current issue by clicking on the cover below. Read Light‘s poems of the week
Poems of the Week
Faker’s Dozen
by Julia Griffin
“Seven men and five women have been chosen to sit on the jury in the ex-president’s
hush-money trial. Here’s what we know”
—The Guardian
J 1: works in sales; married; childless; BA.
J 2: MBA; in investments; well-read.
J 3: west-coast lawyer; late 20s (some say);
J 4: two-time juror; unbiased (he’s said).
J 5: youthful; unlike her friends, lacks strong views;
J 6: works in tech; single; swears to be fair;
J 7: kids; lawyer; reads wide range of news;
J 8: strong opinions, won’t prejudge (he’ll swear).
J 9: knows no law; lives alone; Garden State.
J 10: listens only to podcasts on Psych.
J number 11: likes comedy, late.
J 12: favors sports and religion alike.
Twelve jurors, all good and officially true,
To judge Donald Trump. Just be glad they’re not you.
Free Enterprise
by Simon MacCulloch
“Outside of his historic first criminal trial, Trump’s supporters ask: Who among us hasn’t paid for sex?”
—The Independent
An interesting question, but it always seemed to me
That Donald’s point was that a star like him could get it free.
Let My People Go
by Stephen Gold
For the worldwide Jewish nation,
Pesach’s time for celebration
Of our joyous liberation.
But we suffer grave privation,
To our constant consternation,
As the annual abnegation
Of our fiber allocation
Always leads to constipation
In the whole damn congregation!
Horse Sense
by Alex Steelsmith
“An escaped racehorse made its way to a train station… before attempting to board a train…”
—UPI
Here’s how the
incident
might be ex-
plained:
Sometimes an
animal
needs to be
trained.
Octopostulate
by Ruth S. Baker
“Secrets of the humbling, many-hearted octopus”
—National Geographic
The many-hearted octopus
Is also blessed with many brains:
It generates domestic fuss
By sliding up the pipes of drains.
The octopus’s braininess
Is hard for us to comprehend;
We lack the skill to self-compress
Enough to climb a U-shaped bend.
But, granting that its mental span
Exceeds the cleverest of us,
Let’s humbly pity (all we can)
A broken-hearted octopus.
Business Brief
by Marshall Begel
“Mocking the Abrdn name is ‘corporate bullying’, says chief investment officer.
Peter Branner accuses press of making ‘childish jokes’ about rebrand,
which would not be acceptable if firm was a person”
—The Guardian
No wdgies, ngies, snpping towls—
We bully by deltng vowls.
Arresting Idea
by Steven Urquhart Bell
“A stressful job could stave off dementia, according to new analysis”
—Daily Mail
What helps arrest the progress of dementia,
Before it has a chance to do its worst,
Is less the stressful job that keeps you thinking,
And more the heart attack that kills you first.
The Last Straw: A Dialogue
by Julia Griffin
“Brazilian woman arrested after taking corpse to sign bank loan: ‘She knew he was dead’
“This is the last straw … This goes beyond all limits because there can be no doubt … about
the difference between a living person and a dead person,” [a journalist] said.”
—The Guardian
LP: warm body temperature; veins pulsing; blood at work.
DP: pervasive chilliness; internal bits on hold.
LP: spleen working; bladder filling; limbs inclined to jerk.
DP: no growth (save hair and nails); skin (have I mentioned?) cold.
LP: emotion; memory; a tendency to aches.
DP: quiescence; stiffness; similarity to wax.
LP: responsibilities; fatigue, for goodness’ sakes!
DP: sequestered property; immunity to tax.
LP: infection forming; self-propulsion; joy and pain.
DP: no phlegm; no itch; no bruises; eyeballs turned to blanks.
LP: warm heart (for good or bad); (likewise) responding brain.
DP: no fear of death; some fear of fraudulence in banks.
LP: I know the difference! I prefer to be this way.
DP: What I prefer, and know, I do not choose to say.
(For more witty poems, read our current issue or visit our Poems of the Week archive)